Redlands News Blog

Why did Santa’s helper go to see the doctor? He had a low elf-esteem! Why did the elf pull his bed into the fireplace? He was trying to sleep like a log! What is the first thing elves learn in school? The “elf”-abet! Who sings “Blue Christmas” AND makes toy guitars? Elfis! How do the … Continue reading »

It was nearing Christmas and the judge was in a very merry mood as he asked the prisoner who was before him, “What exactly are you charged with?” “Just doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant indignantly. “That’s not an offense,” said the judge. “Just how early were you doing your shopping?” “Before the … Continue reading »

“Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Had a Million Dollars.’” Everyone but Jonathon began to write furiously. He just leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms behind his head.  He put his feet up on the table. “What’s the matter, Jonathon?” the … Continue reading »

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you. I can allow you freedom, but cannot account for it. I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you. I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you. I can give you love, but I cannot force … Continue reading »

Dear Beloved, I see your loneliness and fears, your guilt and frustrations I see your endless search for love and fulfilment All this must be, in order for you to come to the end of your own understanding – then you can hear my voice Listen carefully amid the noise of the world and you … Continue reading »

An unknown author examined the Lord’s prayer as follows. I cannot say OUR if I live only for myself in a spiritually watertight compartment; I cannot say FATHER if I do not endeavor each day to act like His child; I cannot say, WHO ART IN HEAVEN if I am laying up no treasure there; … Continue reading »

One cupful of listening when the person speaks: measure words carefully. Add a heaping teaspoonful of sympathetic consideration. Sift together to get a smooth batter for a consistent reply. Use generous amounts of long-suffering and forbearance, tempered with mercy. Cook on front burners: keep temperature low and do not boil. Add a pinch of warm … Continue reading »

If I can learn my ABCs, can read 600 words per minute, and can write with perfect penmanship, but have not been shown how to communicate with the Designer of all language, I have not been educated. If I can deliver an eloquent speech and persuade you with my stunning logic, but have not been … Continue reading »

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. Had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a … Continue reading »

1. Pray 2. Go to bed on time. 3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed. 4. Say No, to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health. 5. Delegate tasks to capable others. 6. Simplify and unclutter your life. 7. Less is more. … Continue reading »

A Sunday school teacher asked her class of five and six year old students the following questions: “lf I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would l go to heaven? ” All the children answered, “NO!” “If I cleaned the church building … Continue reading »

Maybe you have seen this on the web.  Perhaps you have read it in an e-mail.  I am unsure of the author. A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, suddenly stopped coming to church. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit. The pastor found the man at … Continue reading »

Dear  GOD: I want to thank you for what you have already done. I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now. I am not … Continue reading »

Four older men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?” The first fellow said, “Yes, I had three riders today.” The second man said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.” The third gentleman said, “I had seven … Continue reading »

A man was terribly overweight, so the doctor put him on a strict diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. Next – eat regularly again for two days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost … Continue reading »